Monday, June 2, 2014

The Pentagon Gears Up For World War Z...Do They Know Something We Don't? (Part Two)


Yesterday we talked about what kinds of zombies the DOD and United States government aim to protect us from. But what kind of plans could they possibly have? And where do these zombies come from that they’re worried about? And what the heck happened in space to a DirectTV satellite that was zombie related enough for them to go “huh…we should throw that in the defense strategy.”?
In Part One we broke down the ridiculousness of their strategy, but we also revealed that that was the intent. They wanted the report to read like a silly science fiction novel. After all, when people are laughing as they’re learning they’re enjoying what they’re learning. If not, the words may as well just be bouncing off a brick wall.
Today in Part Two we’re going to discuss how they intend to keep us safe from the hordes, where these worrisome zombies even come from, and where they drew their inspiration for this strategy from. Everything from Plants Vs. Zombies to Resident Evil, the NSA is on it, if it’s a zombie, it’s in the strategy.
For the final section, we’ll break down this apocalyptic sized two part entry into a list of all the scenarios we’ve discussed, in order from least likely to what you should probably fear the most. Let’s sink our teeth in to some Science (ish.)

All Hordes Not Created Equal


There is one centralized theme that runs throughout the entirety of the Defense Strategy. We need to protect our citizens, power, water, and sewage. Not just from a zombie, but from multiple zombies. Otherwise known as a horde. Those of you who have never watched The Walking Dead or played Dead Island may not know what a horde of zombies looks like. If a battalion of rotting fleshbags start meandering toward you, that’s what’s known as a horde, see the opposite direction they’re moving? That’s where you want to run.
However, there were a couple of zombie classes on the strategy report that even in a horde format, I’m not too concerned about. One was the Vegetarian Zombies. If Sunflowers and Dandelions can kick those zombies down then we should have no problem, especially seeing as they aren’t interested in eating us. The next ones are the Chicken Zombies. While the sight of these Poultrygeists can be quite unnerving, there is nothing fearsome about atrophied avian nibblers.
These are the two we’re going to break down first.

Kentucky Fried Zombies


Chicken is darn tasty. So are eggs, so it’s not a wonder that the poultry industry attracts many entrepreneurs to the field. There are billions of dollars to be made. But there are a host of environmental factors would-be farmers have to take into account, some are costly preventative measures, some are just common sense. Forty to fifty years ago, laying-hens (the chickens that produce eggs) were used as stock for soup and canned meat when they were “spent”. After all, a non-laying-hen contains around five pounds of meat comparative to its one pound equivalent. Why would you use a spent hen in lieu of a viable, strong counterpart?
And that is exactly what drove the industry to its current “chicken recycling” practices. When a laying-hen is old and no longer able to produce eggs it’s put to death. Back in the day these chickens were sold as food, but consumer’s want big, meatier, chickens, so because of this, processing plants stopped taking spent hens. This posed a major problem for the farmer. Obviously they didn’t want to eat a thousand pounds of spent meat themselves, and processing it for their own use cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. So what do you do?
Chicken compost.


It sounds terrible but it’s actually not as awful as you think. Everything dies, it’s an inevitability of life. But even after death these chickens serve a vital purpose. As the birds decompose they add valuable nutrients to the soil. As we all know from last week’s discussion about vampire trees, trees and plants draw nutrients through their roots in the soil, this compost is spread as a natural fertilizer in lieu of manmade, more chemical oriented ones. Sounds pretty good to me.
And the chickens are humanely euthanized. Placed in a sealed box, they are flooded with Carbon Monoxide which quickly shuts down the brains ability to get oxygen. Within seconds the chickens lose consciousness. Within minutes they are dead. The box is unsealed; the chicken is removed, and layered into a compost pile of sawdust and woodchips. After about a month the compost is usable.
But…sometimes…things don’t always go as planned.
A California resident by the name of Jim Stauffer witnessed what most of us would consider a scarring sight. From the chicken farm next door, a lone hen was clawing its way to the surface of a compost pile. The bird’s vacant expression and stumbling ambulation alerted Jim that this creature was unwell. Within a few minutes the bird collapsed and died from organ failure, but not before becoming the first zombie chicken.
This incident occurred several times on that farm; however this is a rare occurrence for any farmer who is experienced. What Jim witnessed was likely a young farmer who didn’t know what he was doing, the box hadn’t remained sealed long enough for the chicken to die, and it was able to recover enough oxygen to wake its brain up. But not for long, Monoxide poisoning is deadly, and overexposure will kill you, but it isn’t painful at least. This just goes to show you; sometimes what’s good for the goose is rather arbitrary to the gander…and not good for the goose at all.

Graaaains


Okay…it’s hard to write this section. Not because it’s difficult to research, it’s just difficult to maintain a straight face. I have no idea what method would cause a zombie to go for greens over brains but whatever the cause one thing is certain.
These zombies are ridiculous.
If the video game is to be believed these zombies come apart rather easily, aren’t concerned with humans, and really enjoy munching on oversized walnuts. A lawnmower is capable of taking them out and the heaviest body armor I’ve witnessed is football helmets and serapes.
In short, these zombies are purely fictional, and even if they were created are easily handled. My concern over this is where did the Pentagon get its concrete factual sounding information on their “tendencies to incomprehensibly groan the word “Grains””. Look out Vegans, sounds like the Pentagon has some experimentation lined up for you.
Now that we’ve gotten those two out of the way, let’s get semi-serious for a moment and talk about the ones that could exist and become problematic to human life, starting with the most commonly concerning one of them all.
The Viral outbreak.

The Real T-Virus


Most of us know about Resident Evil, and so, we know about the Umbrella Corporation. Ever since the advent of Pharmaceutical Corporations we have had the advent of human experimentation and pure, unbridled evil. They claim to do their shady research in the name of Science and enlightenment, but for the most part, some of these people just enjoy torture and the benefits of money that the ends eventually can produce.
So it’s no wonder people are terrified of a real-life scenario in which a real-life Umbrella style Corporation creates a mutagenic virus capable of altering our DNA to the point of zombie-like symptoms. In fact, not too long ago, a couple of microbiologists were asked to weigh in on the probability of this; surprisingly they both said the same thing. Rabies.
Rabies already behaves a little bit like zombieism. In both situations the host is overcome with primal urges. While the zombie feeds to restore energy to damaged cells due to its pathogen induced condition, the rabies virus alters the chemicals of the hosts’ brain to seek out other people to infect.
The disease would have to be genetically manipulated through us or change through evolution in order to keep the host alive. Typically with cases of Rabies, within 10 days of symptoms presenting themselves the host dies. These symptoms include dehydration, anxiety, hallucinations, and even hydrophobia (fear of water). Coupled with the insatiable urge to bite things, I think we have a pathogenic candidate.
I’m sure there are other viruses out there we haven’t even discovered yet, or combinations of viruses that could create this effect. There’s more than likely some mad scientist in the hidden hive basement of Pfizer synthesizing an apocalypse right now. Time will only tell, but for now, we’re going to move onto our next concern.
Gamma rays!

Chernobyl Chompers


That’s Chernobyl. It’s a Power Plant in Russia. But it’s not just any old power plant; it’s a nuclear power plant. In 1986 it experienced one of the worst meltdowns in history, releasing 100 times more radiation than both Hiroshima and Nagasaki’s bombings in WWII combined. A sarcophagus was built around the plant to contain the disaster somewhat, but not before afflicting everyone in the surrounding area and designating the entire area around it uninhabitable due to abnormally high concentrations of radiation still lingering in the soil to date.
In 1968 George Romero released his classic film “Night of the Living Dead.” In it, zombies were created via radiation exposure. If this were possible wouldn’t we have seen this following the Chernobyl disaster? Or even the Fukushima meltdown in recent years?
Probably not. That kind of radiation deteriorates the body at alarming rates everywhere, eventually leading to organ failure and death. The victim is hardly able to conjure the energy to walk, let alone prowl alleyways in search of brains.
But what about Vladmir Putin’s Zombie Ray Gun announced in 2012?
The most reputable source I could find on this was the Daily Mail in the UK. I don’t really find them to be the most reliable of fact-based journalism, but sometimes they hit the nail on the hand. Allegedly, this “Super-Weapon” uses microwaves, which are electromagnetic radiation, to target the central nervous system of the victim, thereby inducing a zombie-like state briefly. Some reports account that even some Special Forces guys couldn’t handle the use of the weapon on them.
While this isn’t likely to kickstart Armageddon by Walkers, the concept is based in Science Fact. A few years ago articles were surfacing all over the web about “Zombie Fish”. The truth is, these fish weren’t zombies, and they were being targeted by researchers for disease and ecological study in select rivers. Their method of extraction? A big pole that conducted a current through the water via electromagnetic waves. This caused the fish to become paralyzed and gently float to the surface unharmed. The look in their eyes and behavior was an aquatic equivalent enough to coin them the sobriquet Zombie Fish, but alas, this was just a nickname.
Radiation poisoning is highly unlikely to cause an apocalypse. But what about space? Could zombies come from space?

Xeno-Biological Re-Animation


I love Neil Degrasse Tyson. I have a lot of respect for Jon Stewart and his program The Daily Show. When the two are combined it mixes intelligent conversation, with hilarity and typically the viewer leaves the program knowing more than they did before going into it. That’s why when they teamed up for the sidesplittingly funny segment “Buzzkill of Science” I had to watch it a hundred and thirteen times.


As you can see from the video, reanimated humans? Highly improbable, reanimated aliens? Why the hell not.
It’s true, the cosmos is infinite and we don’t know what’s out there. It’s possible a race like the one Neil described on The Daily Show exists. Only time will tell. Hopefully though, we discover the Space Zombie colonies first and not the other way around, after all, we wouldn’t want Earth to become an intergalactic buffet.

Zombie Janey’s Got A Gun


The last ones we’re going to talk about today are the Weaponized zombies. These can pretty much be made out of any kind of zombie really. This however implies that there is still some level of complex thought available to the zombie, making this scenario extremely unlikely.
In fact, unless its something like a kamikaze zombie rigged by humans to be exploded, weaponized zombies go against the very definition of the word, “zombie”. Aside from the fact that in supernatural definition it’s the reanimation of a corpse, the use of it in personality terms is someone who is “wooden, listless, or otherwise without cognitive thought. An automaton.” A zombie able to fire a weapon, even somewhat accurately, requires more complex thought than the definition provides.
So what is the military going to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse?

Contingency of a Contingency Plan


While you can almost guarantee the government is going to set up boundaries, borders, perimeters, and safe zones, you can also bet that the fictitious training exercise released to the public isn’t going to be the actual plan. We’ve seen the movies; we’ve seen the media they drew this silly plan from. But if an actual outbreak was to occur, we wouldn’t see that plan, because it wouldn’t be nearly as light hearted or humorous as this one.
You can almost bet they would protect power, water, and sewage with their lives and resources. They would also screen the parts of the cities that they deemed useful as Forward Operating Bases. While I’m sure survivors would be rescued, they wouldn’t be herded into hospitable environments. They would be caged and isolated to lower the chances of further infection, regardless of whether they had the disease or not.
In short, while this was a fun guide to read, don’t read too much into it. I posted the link to it yesterday so head over and finish Part One to read the actual DOD strategy. It’s extremely thorough. And it should be. It’s intended to train a future generation of individuals to devise strategies to protect this country from ANY enemy, foreign, domestic, or even fictional.
So I promised you a list of the most likely Zombie Apocalypse Scenarios right? Alright, here’s your list, arranged from 01 being the Least likely to 08 being the Most:

01.  Poultry Based Apocalypse? Eh…not likely. As scary as chicken zombies sound I highly doubt they would pose any real threat to human life, other than being extremely weird looking.
02.  Plant Biters? Once again, not likely. Just a fun Tower Defense game. I don’t even know how it made the DOD’s list.
03.  Groaning Gunslingers? Fat chance. Most zombies can’t even walk very well, let alone reload a pistol.
04.  The Irradiated Reanimated? Nope. The body would deteriorate too fast, plus infection couldn’t be spread through classic means of mastication (biting you, you perverts) so the disease would have difficulty transmitting.
05.  Made In Haiti? This one is actually somewhat viable as we saw yesterday from Clairvius Narcisse (Part One). The problem is it would be difficult to replicate on a global pandemic scale and could only be contained into isolated scenarios given the complex rituals of keeping the indoctrinated infected with the various venoms.
06.  Symbiotic Relationships? Scientists are pretty clever. We talked about Cordyceps yesterday (Part One also) and their effect on ants. If this was genetically manipulated there is a strong probability it could infect humans as well.
07.  Through A Bad Cough? Lab accidents happen, and it’s possible to create a strain of rabies that could behave similar to a zombie virus. I hope not but this seems like one of the most likely scenarios.
08.  Extraterrestrial Xenozombies? You heard it folks. Neil Degrasse Tyson said it. Don’t rule out Space Zombies.

I know it seems as though I’ve used the word “likely” and “possible” a lot throughout this article. But that’s kind of what I do here at To Infinity and…In Theory. It’s in my name. I enjoy the theoretical sides of Science, because I find it fascinating when Science Fiction becomes Science Fact.
However I think I can pass on a zombie apocalypse and if research is currently going on into this abhorrent nightmare scenario I beg of you to stop. Regardless of whether they come from the minds of the creators of movies like “28 Days Later” and are aggressive and fast, or are more “The Walking Dead” and meander toward you at a listless pace, they’re relentless nonetheless. It’s a terrifying thought.
Until the next potential apocalypse folks, I bit- I mean, bid you adieu.

            -Ryan Sanders



Thanks for reading everyone! For more information on anything discussed in the article above today feel free to follow the links below. Share this around on Twitter and Facebook and stock up on supplies! You never know when the apocalypse could strike!







No comments:

Post a Comment