Showing posts with label animals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label animals. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Don't Believe In Mass Extinction? Neither Did These Guys...


We’ve talked about the importance of biodiversity here at To Infinity and…In Theory before, (Livin’ Life to the Extremophile: Biodiversity [Part 4]), but never like this. In fact, scientists are worried that our dwindling levels of biodiversity on our planet may be leading us down the treacherous path toward our sixth mass extinction.
Some of you may be thinking, “What the heck is a mass extinction?” I assure you, it’s just as terrifying as it sounds, because for once, the word extinction seems to be apposite to us, humans, homo-sapiens, your mom and dad, brothers and sisters, it applies to everyone this time. And if we don’t do something to change the course of current events – something as drastic as the changes we’ve made that struck us out on this awful road – we’re going to go the way of dinosaurs.


So how do scientists know this is coming? From reading and interpreting the Earth’s fossil record. The fossil record is a detailed analysis of the planet’s history, taking us all the way back to its inception and through every period in which life almost ceased entirely. Today at TI&IT we’re going to talk about extinction, fossil records, explain a little about evolution (and give some proof humans are still evolving), and we’ll finish up with a short list of some of the species you’ll never get a chance to see up close because of our direct involvement.
Let’s talk a little bit about how a species goes extinct first.

Acid Rain, Super Volcanoes, and Meteoroids…Oh My


Be it multiple continent sized asteroids that pelted the Earth, erupting super volcanoes, shifting fault-lines, or acid rain, there are a hundred different theories on what wiped the etch-a-sketch of life on Earth clean five times prior to the emergence of our first ancestors. There is one thing scientists are sure of though, the temperature of the Earth rose, similarly to what is happening now.
The fossil record, which is a collection of the organisms we have excavated from the Earth over the centuries and igneous rock contained within the Earth, is like a documentary of the World. Using methods similar to Carbon Dating (we’ve talked about that before too: How To Politely Ask A Mummies Age) scientists can pin down what was abundant in the environment and what minerals and gases were almost non-existent.
By searching the area around where dinosaur bones are exhumed for radioactive isotopes with an excessively long half-life (Uranium-238, Potassium-40, etc.) researchers can build a blueprint of what was abundant in the atmosphere before we even came into being. This technique has been used to prove the age of the Earth and the Moon. (A whopping 4.5 billion years for both, talk about a geriatric!)
But the fossil record isn’t just dinosaurs and rock collections. Ice samples and other geological phenomenon are factored into it as well. Researchers recently in Great Britain at the Universities of York and Leeds decided it was time to take another look at the fossil record. Perhaps it would lead them to a better understanding of what was causing huge numbers of fauna to drop dead on our planet all of a sudden.
What they found is disturbing to say the least.
Turns out, if they’re findings are correct, a cold effect may be more beneficial for life on Earth than a warm sunny one. It’s called “The Icehouse Effect” and it’s the topic of our next section.

The Fridge of Life


We’ve all heard of the Greenhouse effect, but what’s the Icehouse effect? Well, it’s the opposite of the Greenhouse or Hothouse effects to be exact, but we’re going to break down the differences a little bit further. The Greenhouse effect occurs when there is an abundance of greenhouse gases in our atmosphere, such as methane, Co2, and CFCs. These gases cause the atmosphere to heat up, trapping UV radiation within the ozone layer and melting polar ice sheets.
The Icehouse effect is the exact opposite. Greenhouse gases like Co2 are relatively low in the atmosphere, allowing dangerous radiation and superheating factors to escape our little bubble, keeping the surface of the Earth cool. It seems that after analyzing fossil records, researchers came to one huge conclusion.
Life on Earth thrived during Icehouse periods.
During Greenhouse periods…well…not so much…
We know that humans are a major producer of Carbon Dioxide and methane gases through our destructive burning of fossil fuels and excessive expansion and deforestation methods, but if humans and Hondas weren’t around 4.5 billion years ago, what caused the temperature to rise?

O-No-Zone You Didn’t!


There are quite a few theories as to how the Earth rapidly heated itself up and cooled down as we mentioned before. The most viable theory however is that of heightened volcanic activity. It’s no secret the plates inside the Earth’s crust shift, that’s how we went from one big supercontinent to the seven different continents we have today. But what people don’t realize is that when continents drift apart, things can get ugly.
Think of it like this. As tectonic plates shift and move it is literally ripping the Earth apart in order to create new landmasses. As these plates shift and move it generates an earthquake, these can range in magnitude, but any earthquake can spell bad news. This increase in tectonic shifting caused hundreds of volcanoes all across the surface of the Earth to erupt.
When volcanoes erupt they can spew thousands of tons of debris and detritus from within. But it isn’t just solid matter being released from volcanoes. Volcanoes spit out superheated gases as well, chief amongst them being Carbon Dioxide. Too much of that spills into the atmosphere and we begin running into hitches and snags.
It gets to a point where plants can’t absorb the influx of gas coming in and convert it to oxygen fast enough. The gases get trapped in the ozone layer and bounce around, keeping harmful radiation from the sun from escaping back into space. When this happens temperatures begin to rise, polar ice caps begin to melt and a hothouse effect begins to take place.
This is just one theory.
Because the Earth has spent almost 80% of its existence in this greenhouse state it’s almost impossible to pinpoint the exact causes. When the planet heats up, ice shelves melt. When that happens habitats are lost. When habitats are lost the ecology of an area is disrupted. When the ecology of an area is disrupted, fauna begin to die. Once fauna begin to die, that’s when we’re in trouble. That’s when we begin to approach levels of mass extinction.
So if hot’s bad why is cold so good?

Keeping Current


As it turns out, the North and South Poles may be the key to keeping our current climate in check. Without the niche ecology they provide we wouldn’t have the diversity of life everywhere else. Let’s give an example shall we. The whale, possibly the largest creature currently on this planet, survives on a diet of some of the smallest organisms, plankton. They screen it off the surface with their large teeth in massive amounts. Yum.
Plankton is just one of many nutrients found in our oceans feeding its inhabitants. In colder climates, such as up by the poles, there are higher concentrations of nutrients in the water for plankton to thrive. Why? There’s less activity and less organisms to share the plankton with the whales in cold environments, so they absolutely love it!
So how does plankton end up in warmer climates? Glad you asked. The answer is, currents.
The currents carry the plankton to warmer waters. But if there aren’t variations in temperature between areas of the ocean there wouldn’t be currents. Obviously there are other factors that play into this as well, such as geological activity and astronomical values, but we aren’t talking about those today.
So do you get it now?
We’re in a greenhouse period currently.
Greenhouse = Bad.
Icehouse = Good.
So how do we fix this?
First of all the government should probably pull its collective set of heads out their Gluteus Maximus’ and (I can’t believe I’m saying this…but…) listen to Al Gore when he says climate change is upon us. And it’s bad.


Some animals have adapted over the millennia to survive these fluctuations. The Great White Shark is just one example of a killing machine that’s been here since the dawn of time. The Duck-Billed Platypus is another animal that’s been here since time immemorial, however, the Platty needed to, well, change a little bit over time.
Scientist’s call this evolution. And we’re still doing it too, just not at a rate nearly fast enough to outrun the damage we’ve caused. Don’t believe me that your physiology is changing a bit every day? Let’s lay that to rest next then.

Your Poké-Human is Evolving


We’ve changed a lot since our first days of stepping into the sun. Just one example of this is our ability to drink milk. We weren’t always designed that way. There is an enzyme in our body known as the LCT gene. Before the domestication of milk producing livestock (cows, goats, sheep, etc.) the gene would shut down in babies after being weaned off their mother’s breast milk.
People that are lactose intolerant never develop that gene. For another example we’ll turn to a piece of literature first. In Markus Zusak’s amazing novel “I Am The Messenger” a hapless protagonist named Ed has to help strangers at the behest of a mysterious individual sending him seemingly random addresses in the mail. One of these characters he encounters is a young girl named Sophie. Why is Sophie important to this article you ask? Because she possesses an interesting trait, she runs barefoot.
Early humans didn’t have Nike’s and Converse to toss on their feet while they ran away from hungry Tigers and Cheetahs. They ran barefoot, and as a result the muscles and tendons in the feet and lower legs developed accordingly. Even if you find well-fitted footwear it’s still unnatural to squeeze your digits into your Reebok’s and take off for a jog around the block. We had to evolve again in order to wear such constraining apparel.
Now these kinds of genetic mutations don’t just spring up overnight. DNA analysis of ancient farmers and herders all over the world shows that the ability to digest lactose carrying over into adolescence didn’t spring up until about 8,000 years ago throughout Europe and India. Running barefoot also took thousands of years to fade away. As I said, we’re evolving at a quick rate (according to paleoanthropologists anyway) but not nearly quick enough.
Just ask these guys…oh wait…you can’t…

The Way of the Dodo


Animals have been going extinct for millions of years. The dinosaurs are a classic example of this, but whenever people think of extinction that is unfortunately the first place they go. Well as it turns out, humans are responsible for causing extinctions as well. Just look at some of these examples below.


That’s the Formosan Clouded Leopard. You’ll notice that’s a fairly recent, high quality picture, not some pencil drawing from Charles Darwin’s sketchbook. That’s because the Clouded Leopard wasn’t officially declared extinct until last year in 2013. (They were really holding out hope for this one.)
Indigenous to Taiwan, this leopard was the second-largest carnivore. The Rukai (Taiwanese Aborigines) considered the hunting of these majestic creatures to be a taboo sin. So how were they pushed into extinction by us? Through the logging of their habitats. From 2000 to 2004 more than 13,000 camera traps were set up in their last known habitat but none were spotted in that four year period.
The last known Formosan Clouded Leopard was confirmed in 1986. None have been “spotted” since.


Yes, I agree. That is one truly, exceptionally, and wholly ugly bird. However, we shouldn’t have pushed the Mauritius Blue Pigeon into extinction just because of that. Remember last week when we talked about the Dutch and the spice trade? (Quick recap here: Why We Taste: A Brief History of “Thyme” and the Rest of Your Spice Rack). Well while they were sailing around the Mascarene Islands East of Madagascar, they encountered this comely looking plumage flying around above them. Only one live specimen was ever brought back to England, the rest were stuffed.
Like our friend the Clouded Leopard, the Mauritius Blue Pigeon suffered from his habitat being over logged and the wrath of hunters. This little fella was classified as extinct almost 200 years ago now between 1826 and 1830. (Dates vary depending on the source). Regardless of where in that four year period they disappeared from the face of the Earth one thing is still apparent, even their relatives, other Blue Pigeons, are at risk of fading away forever.




Another sad story in the annals of extinction is pictured above. The Tahitian Sandpiper was pushed into extinction in 1773 when rats were introduced into its habitat. As a result, not much scientific information is available on this little guy. Only one stuffed specimen is known to still exist. Five years before him this poor creature depicted below vanished as well:


That’s Steller’s Sea Cow, and what happened to him, well, I’ll tell you this much, it wasn’t very stellar. The largest of the Manatee family known to have shared the Earth with humans was hunted into extinction. Why? For their meat and the leather that could be produced from their hides. Humans are so awesome aren’t they? (Total sarcasm…) The last one of these rotund aquatic bovines was killed in 1768.


While there are literally over 100 examples of species that humans have shoved out of the picture, for the sake of time the last one we’ll talk about today is the Mexican Grizzly Bear. Considered a close relative of the Brown Bear, this was the largest land mammal that roamed the hillsides of Mexico. The last one was shot and killed in 1960. That was just over 50 years ago. The Black Rhino was also officially declared extinct last year, so we’re still doing it.
So there you have it. In this modern world it’s quickly becoming one of evolve or die. And if we don’t do something about our rapidly changing climate, we won’t have time to do anything but the latter. If you want to read more about species we’ve shoved off the cliff you can by visiting this comprehensive timeline over at Wikipedia by clicking here. Thanks for reading everyone, and remember…
It’s not just hipster Dodo that thinks existence is too mainstream.
Soon, our planet could feel that way about us too…

-       Ryan Sanders


Thanks for reading everyone! As always feel free to share this around on Twitter, Reddit, Facebook, wherever you think the news needs to go! Conservation is extremely important! If you would like to know more about any of the topics discussed above today feel free to follow any of the links below! Happy Learning everyone!





















Thursday, July 31, 2014

To Err Is Human; To Error Is...Well...Space Engineering


We’ve all heard the adage. “To err is human”. It means for one to go astray in a way of thinking, or morally. But to error…that’s a different beast entirely. Sometimes it can be a case of poor judgment, such as in the sanctioning of Russia’s lewd lizard love-fest which culminated in the loss of contact with the gecko sex pod in orbital space. Sometimes it can be a case of oversight, such as in the miscalculation of the difference zero-gravity would make on the lens in the Hubble telescope.
Whether we’re missing out on “Game of Geckos” porn in space due to transmission failure or watching incognito spy satellites burn up spectacularly in sub-orbital space for all to see, there is one thing that is prevalent.
Getting to space is freakin’ hard.
Today at TI&IT we’re going to explore the deepest reaches of the true final frontier; spaceflights historical basement of catastrophic failures. And it isn’t just Russia, NASA, and the ESA that are prone to incredible mishaps.
Let’s talk about some of the light-hearted “Whoopsies!” the international community has faced in the race to outer-space.

“So Uh…This is in Inches Right?”


In November of 1999, the Scientific Community turned a collective facepalm to the United States when NASA’s doomed spacecraft, the Mars Climate Orbiter, just vanished. Scientists knew what had happened. It was gone, for good. Now the question remained, why had their $125 million Marvin the Martian spy satellite exploded? (Maybe they should have added a Pu-36 Explosive Space Modulator…)
Turns out, private contracting firm Lockheed Martin made a slight boo-boo. That boo-boo being they programmed the landing software to tell the craft to make its calculations in terms of inches and pounds instead of meters and newtons. Because of this the Weather Channel never got the chance to give us a report from the red planet.
But the $125 million price tag was paltry in comparison to what happened at NASA just three years ago…

For the Glory of…Oh…You Exploded…


On March 4th 2011, NASA launched their Taurus XL Booster rocket carrying the climate satellite “Glory” on board. The Taurus is a four stage rocket, meaning it will separate pieces of itself as it gets higher and higher into the atmosphere in order to gain more altitude. The problem was that the nose cone didn’t separate, so when the rocket reached a certain height it became too heavy versus the amount of fuel left and plunged into the Pacific Ocean.
Turns out, this wasn’t even the first time a Taurus Rocket pulled this on them. Two years prior to this launch in 2009 they had a similar problem with another launch. The Glory mission cost them a whopping $424 million. The mission in 2009 you ask? Around $275 million, totaling NASA’s two year losses at $700 million dollars. That can’t feel good on the wallet…
But not much can trump the Russian’s. No matter how many rockets and ships we blow up, we’ll never reach the insanity levels of the Iron Curtain…

Russia’s Cutting-Edge…Non-Existent Technology…


What do most of you think of when someone says “The Cutting-Edge”? Do you think of fancy new computers? Holographic projections? Cloning? (Toe-pick?) Regardless of what you think of, we’re going to talk about what the Russian’s thought. In 1969, Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong made their famous literal moonwalk across the surface of our rocky little satellite, and the Russian’s were, well, miffed, to say the least.
So they packed their iron balls into their space suits and came up with a plan. Screw the moon, Russia was going to Mars and Venus. Their scientists predicted it would take three years (yeah right…) and they were going to not only fly to Mars, but land on it and claim it in the name of Mother Russia as well…after building a pole to pole train system!
How were they going to keep their cosmonauts alive during this arduous journey you ask? Why, by relying on technology that didn’t even exist yet of course! They were going to grow their food in greenhouses onboard the ship. And as far as their cosmonauts floating around in space for three years? They were, “just hoping for the best when it comes to periods of prolonged weightlessness since no one had gone longer than a few days in space before.”
Obviously this never happened. Like most of their rockets at that time, the plans never got off the ground. Several missions were conducted between 69’ and 71’ but every time the rocket would come back in pieces. Turns out, they weren’t very trusting of American technology (even though the Americans had already done it proper…) and instead of using liquid oxygen and hydrogen for fuel they decided it was smarter to use Benzene and Kerosene. How you say…boom?
Kerosene and Benzene when mixed together are highly explosive. But Russian’s have testicles made of titanium, so to hell with basic chemistry! As it were, Russian men weren’t the only ones with cahonies of steel. Turns out, Canine cahnoies were built Kremlin tough as well…

Space Puppies


Between 1951 and 1966 the Soviet’s sent Air Bud into orbit about twenty times. Unfortunately it wasn’t Air Bud, it was a different dog every time, because unlike Uncle Sam’s Orbital Chimpanzee’s the Russian’s had no intention of bringing the dogs back home, like their cosmonaut counterparts would soon come to realize, it seems their canine lives were expendable for the glory of Russia!
Perhaps the most famous of these Moon-bound mongrels was the Husky-Terrier mix Laika, immortalized forever above by Romania’s 1959 postage stamp. Laika, like all the space pups before her, was never planned to return home, she was just meant to test the effects of space on life-forms. Their official report of her demise, while tragic, was acceptable. A week or less into her journey, she ate her poisoned food and died peacefully.
…except that is NOT what happened.
The Sputnik-2 (otherwise known as Laika’s coffin) wasn’t designed to carry a passenger; it was much heavier than anything the United States had even been contemplating sending into orbit. In 2002 it was finally revealed how Laika died, overheating and stress. The temperature inside the capsule rose to hundreds of degrees, humidity increased, and five to seven hours into her flight, Laika stopped transmitting vital signs to mission control.
Despite the heartrending nature of her demise Laika taught us something invaluable about space, so her sacrifice was not in vain (as an animal lover it still makes me sad though…). Laika proved that humans could withstand extended periods of weightlessness and paved the way for human space flight.
But Russia and the U.S. aren’t the only nations that have suffered “hiccups” in their space programs. In fact, it seems every nation that enters the space race has the idea in their head that, “anything you can do I can do better!” But as I said before, getting to space is hard, and the next three nations and private contracting company had to discover that the hard way.

Missed it by a “Naro” Margin


In 2009, South Korea joined the game with its rocket, initially named the KSLV (Korea Space Launch Vehicle) but later changed due to copyright infringement to the Naro-1…(I’m just kidding… I have no idea who owns what patents anymore…). Regardless of why the name was changed, Naro had a few problems. Namely…it didn’t accomplish anything.
Just like our Glory mission, parts failed to disengage, making the rocket too heavy to achieve orbit and sending it crashing back down to the world below. (Too bad it couldn’t have landed on their neighbors “Dear Leader” instead.) The mission, costing 500 billion won (equivalent to about $450 million in United States) was a bust. So was the follow-up in 2010. In fact, it wouldn't be until 2013 when they would achieve their plans with the Naro-3.
Not so easy is it South Korea?
And what about our next contestant? Like the United States they used a monkey but like Russia it seems they may not have had Bozo the Bonobos best interests in their hearts. Let’s head on over to Iran for a U.N. sanctioned silo visitation! (Just kidding Iranians, you know I love you!)

“Iran’s Attempt to Launch a Monkey into Space Fails”


That is a headline to a real article. No joke.
You can’t make this stuff up.
In 2011, Iran attempted to join the rest of the astrologically accustomed world by launching a live Rhesus monkey into space. The test was designed to prove whether or not their technology was where it needed to be in order for human spaceflight to be achieved by their nation. That being said however…
…It was not.
For reasons undisclosed it seems by the country, the mission was a smashing failure. Pishgam Kavoshgar (which means “Explorer Pioneer” in Farsi) was a doomed launch, and the Pishgam of the equation, the Rhesus monkey, never got to see the moon up close.

Third Times a Charm…


…or not. In 2011, the third launch in a week of the ShiJian series of Chinese rockets proved too much for them to handle. The first two missions however had been successful, but the reasons for launching them? They never told us. The Chinese were no strangers to failures or success in the space race competition either. They’d been in the game since the 1950s and continued building ballistics throughout the Cold War…just in case.
They have mastered space flight though as well as anyone else has. They recovered from the 2011 incident by turning around and launching several successful unmanned missions to the moon, including their first soft lunar landing. (We talked about that before, you can read all about it here.)
And now for the final contestant on our list…the moment you’ve all been waiting for!
“Prime” time…

Amazon.com: Now Shipping To Space!


In 2011, (seems to be a theme here…), Jeff Bezos, founder and CEO of Amazon.com and mastermind behind Blue Origin, suffered some setbacks to privatized space flight. In an apparent attempt to deliver Katy Perry CDs and J.K. Rowling novels to the moon their first sub-orbital craft had to email the customer and return their money.
An instrumentation failure caused the ground team to have to terminate the thrust on the rocket. After a 25 mile journey it came crashing back down... Just like Jeff Bezos’ dreams of building the first corporation on the moon that Rupert Murdoch doesn’t own. To date there have been several successful launches, but privatized space flight is still a ways off from being accessible for the general consumer.

Soooo… Yeah…

So we can all agree that this last decade has been one that saw many failures for the space bound world. Iran and South Korea got to experience what it felt like when really expensive toys exploded, a feeling the United States, Russia, and China were already well acquainted with. Privatized flight saw some expensive setbacks, and Rhesus monkeys are not well enough represented in the scientific community.
All of that aside, we can also all agree that getting to space, is a lot harder than we seem to think, and you can thank the brave Space Puppies of 1957 like Laika and the valiant heroes of 2011 like Pishgam for making it possible for the lot us bipedal flesh bags.
Thanks for reading everyone!

-       Ryan


Thanks for reading all! Be sure to send this around on Twitter and Facebook! Don’t forget to like and comment as well! If you want to know more about any of the topics discussed above today feel free to follow any of the links below. Happy Learning everyone and thank you for your continued support!











Friday, May 16, 2014

7 Unnecessarily Aggressive A-Holes of the Animal Kingdom

Mother Nature is temperamental (as seen in our article “Strange Phenomenon: The Sorcery of Nature.”) but it isn’t just the weather that seems bi-polar. Sometimes this little blue ball we share with all this amazing wildlife can turn into a dangerous and deadly place. From scary animals like Polar Bears and Great White Sharks, to ridiculous (but violent) sounding ones like the Honey Badger and Mantis Shrimp, sometimes nature can be unnecessarily aggressive.
Come with us at TI&IT today while we discuss some of the ornery creatures in the animal kingdom. By the end of this list today you might find yourself surprised at what you learn about some of these buggers. You also might learn a little bit about what not to provoke on your next African Safari.
First on our list is one that you might think doesn’t belong but I assure you, he does.
The Hippopotamus.

“Why You Runnin’ Bro?”


Somehow, in all the scenarios I go over in my head, from all the animals in the world I pictured someday I might have to run away from, never in a million years did the landmass Hippopotamus come to mind. But if you agitate one of these foul herbivores, you’re in for some hella cardio.
The hippo is the third largest land mammal after the elephant and the rhinoceros (respectfully). Weighing in anywhere between one and a half to three tons this beast is still capable of reaching land speeds up to 19 mph. When’s the last time you clocked yourself? Because I’ll bet you can’t run that fast, and even if you can, the Hippo can maintain that land speed till its anger at your face wears off (or it tears your face off. Come whatever may).
And the last part is more likely to happen than its anger subsiding. The Hippopotamus is one of the most aggressive creatures in the world, and as such, is the leading cause of animal related death in Africa. That’s right; it ranks higher than lions, tigers, and crocodiles. (Figure that out)
Actually it isn’t hard to figure out really. Most Hippo attacks toward humans and crocodiles while typically unprovoked occur near the water source where the attacking Hippo resides. Reproduction and child rearing occur in the rivers. Think about it like this.
You and your wife/husband just had a baby. Now all of a sudden big Hawks keep flying in the bedroom and circling over the cradle. (Most of us would close the window but remember this meant to be analogous…) While these hawks most likely won’t attack your newborn baby they are flying over your nursery, and they’re dangerous, you don’t want them there. So you attack and kill them.
That’s basically what the Hippo is doing. Defending its young as infant Hippos are far more frequently the subject of predation over their adult counterparts (obviously, Hippos are huge). It doesn’t have time to decide whether or not you’re a true threat. You’re just in its home and you were not invited.
And wary of humans they should be. While adult Hippos don’t really have any natural predators other than the occasional pack of lions teaming up or Nile Crocodiles doing the same, Humans are fine with killing them off for their ivory Canine teeth and fatty bodies.
Kudos Humans, for continuing to suck.



“Mama Said Knock You Out!”


Boxers could take a hint from this colorful undersea critter. That’s the Mantis Shrimp, and don’t let its miniscule size-implying name fool you. This thing makes Rocky Balboa and Muhammed Ali look like amateurs. Even though most species are only about a foot long or less on average, it’s the only full-aquatic animal to make this list. Why? Because the Mantis Shrimp is total butthole.
Most Crustaceans’ aren’t really known for aggression, but not this guy. Even with the scant amount of information we’ve been able to glean about these elusive creatures we have come to one conclusion. They are violent. They are capable of taking on prey several times their size, and they will hunt, track, and kill their own dinner. Some are known as spearers and some are known as smashers. And I’m aware those sound like categories at a horror film award show.
So what’s their secret? Their club-like claw appendage. From a standing position, the spring loaded murder weapon is capable of reaching speeds up to 23 m/s. (Yes, that’s per second) This blinding jab is so fast its capable of superheating the water around its prey. The rapid strike can help the Mantis Shrimp break through its dinner much more quickly by creating a secondary blast that’s like a bomb worth 1500 Newton’s going off to ratio. Why is this important?
Because the Mantis Shrimp likes mussels, and not the Schwarzenegger kind, more like the Clam kind. With a few raps of its arm mounted Billy club, the Mantis Shrimp can bust through the tough outer shell of Mollusks, getting to the sweet, soft organs inside. Yum.
They usually reside in their underground burrows in the warmer waters of the Pacific Ocean between Africa and Hawaii, but are known to pop out occasionally for ritualized fighting. Don’t know what that is? Remember how the Romans used to give slaves swords and tell them to kill each other? Kind of like that except the Mantis Shrimp loves it. Oh yeah, they’ll come out to go on a murder spree too when they’re hungry.
They aren’t deadly to humans, but they can inflict some major damage if mishandled. Hence the nickname “Thumb-splitters” due to the gashes (and sometimes breaks) inflicted on the handlers thumbs. They’ve even been known to shatter aquarium glass with one quick hook.
Float like that Mayweather.



Flight of the Sociopathic Bumblebee


Killer Bees, as they’re so commonly called, are a somewhat apt description for these buzzing drones of doom. But they aren’t really harmful to us, just to that poor little fellow on the right. African Bees are a little more aggressive (just like every animal from there it seems like) then their European counterparts, contain the same amount of venom, and there’s a problem. They’ve been here since the 1950s.
It wasn’t until the 90s that they were widely becoming reported and that was when they earned the name Killer Bees. A few deaths were reported but that’s easily explained. Unlike our usual honeybees, these guys have a much higher tendency to swarm, and they’ll chase you farther, and they send more bees after you. But this isn’t technically aggressive behavior. This is what scientists call “Hyper-Defensive.”
And who can blame them? We are perceived as a big threat by most animals and to something with such a large size ratio difference there are no exceptions. But where they’re defensive toward us, there is something there are excessively aggressive against.
Other bees.
Africanized Honey Bees will take over a European colony and kill the queen, replacing it with one of their own. After this is done the rest of the bees, even the stragglers, are killed off (no witnesses and all that). That is how they managed to spread throughout South, Central, and the Southern half of Northern America so easily.
The funny thing is they were actually bred by a mad scientist (you’d have to be to play with these crazy buggers) but they were accidentally released by a replacement bee-keeper. He didn’t know what they were, just saw bees he didn’t want to deal with anymore and released them into the wild of Sao Paulo, Brazil. (Lovely…)
Turns out they’re pretty fertile and versatile and mating with their European brethren is no problem. The good news is (at least for us in the Northern States) Africanized Honey Bees don’t like our unnaturally aggressive winters, so we won’t be having to swat them and pray his buddies don’t find out this summer.
Never thought I’d say this, but thank heavens for the bi-polar nature of a snowy Michigan Summer.



“Kiss of Death”


Guess what? Something else from Africa that can kill you. (And you thought Australia had an ecological nightmare) The Black Mamba snake is deadly as it is beautiful and can range in color from charcoal grey to emerald green depending on the breed. Their head is a coffin shape, and it’s fitting, because if one bites you and twenty minutes go by without medical attention, you’re most likely going to need one.
They’re the fastest land snake, capable of reaching speeds of twelve MPH, (yeah, he can outrun you) so it’s no wonder people are terrified of them. It also doesn’t help that on top of the lightning fast speed they only have to have about a third of their body in contact with the ground in order to power them forward. This means they raise the rest of their body (up to four feet of it) off the ground, extend their hood (the dorsal around the sides of their head) and chase you, hissing with fangs out through the brush.
They can sit up straight and climb into trees. Trees that farmers usually harvest fruit from. I have just one thing to say…
**** that!
When they strike they are capable of administering plenty of venom to seal your fate and they hit you multiple times before scurrying away. The toxin they inject is a paralytic, slowly crippling your nervous system. Eventually your lungs shut down and you die. There is an antivenom, but it’s rare and difficult to come by in the environment. Hence the nickname “The Kiss of Death”.
Contrary to popular belief, like the Africanized Honey Bee they really aren’t aggressive toward humans, just defensive. Their biggest threat is the destruction of their environment. So here’s a hint, if you don’t wanna get bit by a Black Mamba…
…Get the hell off their land!


“The Widowmaker”


The African (seein’ a theme here…) or Cape buffalo is yet another extremely aggressive creature from the continent known for diamonds and disparity. With a face like a sweet ol’ cow it’s easy to be fooled, but don’t be, they gore and kill more than 200 people a year. And they seem to rather enjoy it.
The Cape buffalo has built in body armor in its head. The center where the two horns meet is called the “Boss” (seriously) and it’s not always penetrable by a bullet. In fact, if you rattle a shot off it, all you’re going to do is tick it off. And should you do that, ha, best of luck to you my friend.
It’s able to reach speeds of 35 MPH, has an extremely thick hide, weighs around a metric ton, and should you wound it, it will stalk you. It doesn’t matter where you run; it will hunt you down and kill you. (He’s from the block son!)
Despite their intense hatred for humans (and let’s be honest who can blame them?) the males tend to display extremely altruistic behavior toward females. Fights between other males are rare and brief. Females pick which direction the herd travels, and should a distressed member call out for help they’ll send out a rescue party.
They just hate humans. Plain and simple. Sorry guys, maybe you shouldn’t shoot ‘em for trophies…
Food for thought.
Speaking of leftovers, next is the Hyena.


“Hey uh…You Gonna Eat That?”


Awwww, look at that sweet little….
…that sweet uh…
…No. No, no thank you. That is one ugly, matted, filthy, ugly creature. But the Savannah needs them, what with all the bloodshed every other monster on this list (and humans, don’t forget humans) inflicts across the plains, you’re going to need some janitorial services. While the Hyena is mostly a scavenger, they have a few antisocial personality traits that have earned them a special spot on this list of jag-holes in the animal kingdom.
They have a taste for human flesh. Hyena remains dating back to pre-historic times contained traces of human hair in the digestive waste. Even in modern times it remains a problem. Some species shy away from us but others are bold man-eaters (write a song about that Hall and Oates) and we’re sort of responsible for it.
Hyena attacks are widely underreported, and they often attack at night, striking the weak and infirm, children, and women. Victims of African sleeping sickness were drug off in the night due to their tendency to sleep outside in tents; people are attacked as they open their front doors, why do they behave like this?
Years of war and famine. Hyenas have consistently preyed on the remains of humans for hundreds of years, predominately after coups and genocides. After a while it kind of desensitizes you I’d imagine. This could be a leading factor into their increased attacks on the human populace.
It also doesn’t help that we are slowly encroaching on their environment. As population expands their habitat disappears like everything else’s. But these canine-like clean-up crews of the Savannah are thought to have at one point halted expansion of man into Alaska and across the Bering Strait for quite some time. In fact, it wasn’t until the extinction of the subspecies the Cave Hyena that man was able to expand his empire.
If anything, you sort of have to admire that.
On the bright side, unlike the next animal on this list, Hyenas aren’t very bright. Don’t believe me? Watch one get outsmarted by a duck in the video below.



“Honey Badger Don’t Give A ****”


Ah yes. The Honey Badger. Appropriately on this list for several reasons. The first of which is the fact that its diet primarily consists of poisonous snakes and violent stinging insects (such as real African Killer Bees). Next are its vicious claws on its forelimbs. And third and mostly because, as the YouTube video by Randall so aptly puts it, “Honey badger don’t give a [crap]!”
While its name was given to it long before genetic sequencing its behavior is similar to that of the ornery Badger. However once it was more closely analyzed under recent scientific advances, it has been determined that the Honey “Badger” is more like the Honey “Weasel” or the Honey “Wolverine” (Or the Honey “Hugh Jackman”). Nevertheless he remains a fearless fighter.
It’s also extremely intelligent and one of the few animals on the planet known to make and use tools. In a documentary in 1997 a Honey Badger was filmed making a pole out of a stick in order to fish ants out of a log. You know what other species of animal’s does stuff like that? Monkeys.
Its skin is extremely loose and seemingly impenetrable. It can shake off the powerful venom of a Cobra with a nap and doesn’t even feel porcupine quills or bee stings. It’s been known to ward off Cape buffalo and other large land mammals that attack its burrows and get this…
They’ve attacked and chased away lions.
Take that Darwin.
They also like the taste of domesticated chickens. They’re smart enough to tear boards off the coop or even tunnel under the foundation. After all, digging is a way of life to the honey badger. They’re capable of burrowing up to 3m underground in less than 10 minutes. Deterring them is pretty hard as well. You can’t send a dog after them (obviously).
Their loose skin is impervious to arrows and spears; it’s even been known to take a few whacks from a machete before giving up. A rifle or shotgun is the best method for keeping them away from the hen house. (Sheesh, more like Zombie Badgers) The only safe way to grip one is by the scruff of the neck, otherwise it can twist and turn inside its skin like it’s a Crown Royal bag and just bite and claw you. But I’m not too keen on grabbing hold of one any time soon.
The good news is they aren’t Native to North America. They’re from (you probably guessed it) Africa and Southwest Asia, so we won’t be defending the farm from hordes of Honey Badgers any time soon.
While they’re named for their sweet tooth their demeanor is anything but. I hope you enjoyed reading this article as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thanks!


-Ryan Sanders


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